Hello fellow yinzers. Bob Smizik here again with your Penguins preview. In all fairness, I thought the playoffs were about to begin. Four days off? That's insane. Especially during the regular season. No Steeler would take the day off. Except for Kordell Stewart. What a fag. A fag with skill, that is. I chased him with an anal tazer once. Only one word could describe him: elusive. I must've chased him for an hour. Of course he was only playing hard to get and he gave in to me. They always do.
The Pens should be well rested tonight for their home game with the Edmonton Oilers. I'd tell you more about them, but let's be honest. They suck. I know I don't follow hockey much and only pretend to know anything about it but I at least know that this franchise blows sailors. Quick! Name me four players currently on the Oilers! Go! Time's up, knuckleheads. I got Wayne. That's it. I doubt you did much better than me. They also had a black goalie once. Do I need to say more? I'm sure he was arrested once of twice.
I got a feeling the Pens got something going. Things are coming together. I predict the Pens score 10 goals tonight. Mark it down. Also, Crosby scores all 10. How's that for ya? Only a writer with my reputation would dare make a call like that. I once told Greg Lloyd he was going to have a monster game. He ended up getting hurt. I begged him to spank me for being wrong but he declined. Stand up guy, he was. A true Steeler.
So, in closing, the Oilers suck. Bad. They may be the worst team in the history of hockey. They're so God damn bad that they moved them from Houston to Edmonton. That's pathetic. Ever since Warren Moon left, they weren't the same. Go Pens.
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