Friday, October 10, 2008

From The Hockey Gods

It started way back in the Day (it was a Tuesday), We were sitting in the basement of my parents house doing what most teenagers do in the basement of their parents house. We were flipping through Channels, nothing on tv. the pirates were done, this is when they were actually a ball club, the Steelers sucked (they still do), Cheers was over. Then like seeing porn for the first time we stumbled on this T.V. station called KBL. "what is this game on here", "and who is that crazy announcer" (not the "Ben Stein" we have now). "Scratch my back with a what". this is insane. "a hacksaw" said a voice through the smoke cloud. "scratch my back with a hacksaw". "what" that doesnt make sense". "thats Mike Lange, the announcer for the Pittsburgh Penguins" said the voice. The Pittsburgh Penguins of the national hockey league. Hockey, what is hockey, "just sit and watch, watch the guy with the 66 on his sweater, he will change the world".

So we sat and we watched, one goal, 2 goals, 3 goals. This guy was unstoppable, skating so fast it was hard for his mullet to keep up. splitting the defense, making goalies look like construction cones. "When Did we Get a Hockey team" and who the hell is talking to us". It was Dark, there was a lot of smoke in the air, my eyes were all red and my fingers were all yellow from the Cheetos. As the voice got closer i saw eyeballs first, then i saw his smile, and then i saw a bucket of KFC, "hello my name is Rocco" and a face appeared. "Rocco what kind of name is that", and why are you dressed like Superman". "I was sent by the Hockey Gods to inform you of the greatest game on earth",

" Let me introduce you to the world of Ice Hockey"You must take an oath of commitment to the greatest sport on earth. You must promise to never Take the Lord Stanley's name in vein. You must promise to Honor the game of hockey by watching not only the penguins, but any team that is playing, even the flyers. you must worship the Zamboni as if it was a luxury car. you must congradulate the fans of the stanley cup winner (don't worry it will never be the Flyers). you must acknowledge all talent in the league regardless of the team ( Ovechkin, Richards), And you must realize that the only reason your team ever loses is because the Refs blew all the calls.

That night Rocco told us all about this new game that we fell in love with. you see, Being a fan of hockey isn't just a hobby, its a way of life. The things that you do, the way you think all goes back to hockey fan in you. You have your team that you love, but above that you have respect for the game itself, And the Team you follow also changes your outlook on things, for instance, i hate Cheesesteak sandwhiches because they are from Philadelphia. i dont like cream cheese for the same reason. I've hated New York ever since Adam Graves and the slash heard 'round the world, i dont like the song "don't stop believing" anymore because it says "detroit" in it. I don't like the steelers because they get more Media attention than the Penguins, And my sport/my team shouldn't be put on the back burner for anything. I'm not fond of rap music, but i love Snoop Dog because he wore a Pens Jersey in one of his videos, Jerome Bettis is dead to me.

One of the hardest things i ever went through in my life was watching Mario tour arena's in Kansas city and las Vegas, i don't know what life would be like without the Pittsburgh penguins and without hockey in my town, and thanks to Mario and his willingness to use "scare tactics" i will never have to find out, He could come to my house tonight and drink my last beer and i would gladly let him do it, because whatever is going on in your life, you job sucks, your husband/wife is a Dick/Bitch, you find out your kids are gay, you can always look forward to the next Pens game and forget about everything else for a few hours.

All of those things i probably wouldn't have an opinion on if it wasn't for my love of hockey and my dedication to the Penguins. I was there when we lost to the devils and finished last in the league, i was there when the Pens raised the cup, When Kevin Stevens smashed his face of the ice, when Volik ended the best team in pens history, When Nedved beat Kolzig in overtime, When Tom Fitzgerald beat barrasso with a slapper from the parking lot, When Kasparitis owned hasek, when we drafted fleury, malkin, crosby, and staal, when dick Tarnstrom was our leading point getter, and i will be there when Crosby raises the cup for the 1st of many times in his career, when HCMT uses plurals, Malkin wins the scoring title, Fleury the Vezina, Staal the Selke.
GO Pens

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